Enemy [en-uh-mee] –noun
1) one that is antagonistic to another; especially : one seeking to injure, overthrow, or confound an opponent
2) something harmful or deadly <alcohol was his greatest enemy>
3) a military adversary
4) a hostile unit or force
List [list] -noun
1) a series of names or other items written or printed together in a meaningful grouping or sequence so as to constitute a record: a list of members.
For years, American Icon Taco Bell has been admired for their legacy of distributing a wide variety of delicious and inexpensive Mexican style cuisine to hungry consumers. Competitors have sprung up around the country (e.g. Del Taco, Green Burrito) but none have garnered the same widespread appeal. They are the king of cheap Mexican food and as usual, someone’s always trying to knock off the king. And that’s ok because competition in the marketplace benefits everyone. It forces Taco Bell to come up with more delicious recipes and if a fresh upstart can out-tasty Taco Bell, then more power to ’em.
Their newest opponent however is not a rival restaurant. It is something sinister:
Apparently a group of lawyers has decided to sue Taco Bell. Apparently, Taco Bell’s meat is not beefy enough for them. APPARENTLY, rather than just eating at another restaurant and leaving the rest of us to live in peace, these lawyers have decided that they need to drag Taco Bell’s good name through the mud, and for what? Money? Prestige? Some sort of unknown vendetta? Or maybe they just get their kicks by putting a few more obstacles in the way of eaters everywhere having a hearty meal.
But it doesn’t matter what their reason is. Because when you get in the way of Great Eater and our pursuit of eating excellence, you make the list. The Great Eater Enemies List. Nixon had one, and now we have one. Ours is listed on the right if you’re interested.
What happens if you make the list? You don’t worry about that, just make sure not to get on there. And if you should happen to find yourself on there, we’re not made of stone. We’re receptive to pleading, to begging, to plea bargaining…so there’s always hope. I mean, we’re eaters! We love eating and the joy it brings to people! And we’d much rather be eating than engaging in shadowy and ruthless campaigns against our enemies.
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